So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my phone needs a breathalizer
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
