Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
