I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
