He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
