Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
