I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
