so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
