What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
