Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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