The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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