I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
