so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
