my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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