He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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