I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
