I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
