You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
