my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
