He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
