i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Blood and glitter go together right?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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