His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
