Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
