went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
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