God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
