On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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