stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
