The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
