Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
