You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
