I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
