Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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