Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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