I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
