she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
