hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
