The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
