I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
