we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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