Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
