i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
