White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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