just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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