yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize