you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
