i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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