You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
