Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
