I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
