The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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