I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
