We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
